Peeked at my birthday_

It took me 9 months to realize the day of my next birthday.


Remember the time when we were younger, and we always look up the next day of our birthday. We looked up if it’s a Tuesday or a Sunday, and we expect it will hit a class where our blockmates/classmates will greet us or even sing us a Happy Birthday. I always did it, but not this year.

As I flipped the calendar to June, I realized that I don’t know the date for my next birthday. I usually do, but it became meaningless, maybe for the reason that I am getting older and it’s becoming irrelevant, and birthdays are getting cliche.

We make a lot of expectations that will never happen, or just a fraction of it will happen. In the end, we will only frustrate ourselves by not achieving our fantasies. A year is just an Earth’s full revolution around the sun.

We always treat it as a special day, cause it is a mindset in our society that those things must be celebrated. I used to love celebrating birthdays, but now it’s just simply will be another year.

The Great Citizen Gatsby: A Film Analysis

I apologize for massacring the feature photo. Here is my film analysis for Citizen Kane and The Great Gatsby.

I will be talking about the 1941 Orson Welles’ first feature film, Citizen Kane, and a 2013 adaptation of a Fitzgerald’s novel, The Great Gatsby.

I watched Citizen Kane because it is one of those black and white classic films that are under the Top 250 films in IMDB, it is currently the top 70 on the time I publish this blog. This is a movie that revolutionized the film industry in editing, before this movie was produced, the transition between two scenes or acts are either a black screen or a flashed of title cards, that literally tells the transition using phrases or words.

On the other hand, The Great Gatsby is one of the referred films, after searching Leonardo DiCaprio movies in Google. I found out Tobey Maguire and him were buddies years before this movie went to production. So that spark an interest in my head, on how this peers will work on a movie.

The Story
Citizen Kane’s storyline consist of a lot of flashbacks. The story unfolds when Kane died, and his last words “Rosebud” starts the curiousity among the media. Reporters and Newspaper people try to interview people close to Kane, and those flashbacks tell the story of how our protagonist lived. Funny thing was in my observation, no one is around when he said his Rosebud, yet the movie revolves around that word. *creeps

The Great Gatsby’s story is told by Nick Carraway to his psychiatrist using a typewriter on how he met Jay Gatsby. He moved to New York to be a stock broker after abandoning his dream to be a writer. He lives right next to Jay Gatsby, who throws this grandiose parties all night with random people, rich or poor, for the reason that he expects his long-lost lover to just come.

The Character
Both Charles Foster Kane and Jay Gatsby were both prominent men in their world, in terms of their wealth and popularity. They were ambitious and arrogant on handling their money. They are seem stupid when it comes to women, Kane’s divorced twice, and Gatsby never ended with the woman he truly loved.

In the end
Both men died on their mansion. Kane in Xanadu, with his dying words “Rosebud“. Rosebud was a text painted in his sled that he used to play with way back when we was still a kid. Gatsby on his mansion, where this large parties was once held, but this time the only bountiful are the flowers surrounding him at his funeral.

Ambiguous Side
Both films signifies that even how big a man you are, how passionate your dreams are, or even how endless your wealth is when you are living, you cannot carry those tangible things when you die. You are going to die alone with your thoughts, alone with your longings.


a downpour, a cloudy sunset

1. I guess having an eye for details, developed an overthinking mind, or somehow it correlates the other. I always micro-analyze the things that passes in my head, might be how the other passenger’s posture in a jeepney tells something about their personality, or even Luzon looks like the head of Goofy in a map. That accumulates an overflow of good (and even bad) ideas and thoughts, and making this blog will be a healthy output.

2. This could be the start of something new. Yes, I have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and even a Youtube account (all links can be seen here). But, something limits me when I’m posting my thoughts on those sites; plans, insecurities, 140 characters, publicity, family and even friends.

3. As a Personal Diary. Since it is 2017, I think it would be more appropriate for me to type all the things than to write them. I wouldn’t want to waste more paper, after keeping all the scratch papers I have from college. I believe that everyday we think of thoughts that is irrelevant on what we pursue, but there is a substance to it, and I wish to keep those thoughts, record them.

4. Increase my vocabulary. Well, practice makes you better. I believe in that, the more hours you spend on crafting an art, the more mistakes you make, the more experiences you get, the more skilled you become. Many people believe on the 10,000 hour rule, but I think that is only an approximate, we have different learning curves, we have different understanding on how the world works. You cannot depend that on a rational statistic.

5. I’m still broken from assumptions and expectations, and I didn’t mean financially. I need a way to divert my focus and attention to new things, to a more creative and productive things, and this is one way out of it, in my perspective.